im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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