shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
