Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
