My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
