Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
