haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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