You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize