What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?