I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
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