I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
