We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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