i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year