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This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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