You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going