My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
