woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize