I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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