Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So squirting runs in the family.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.