ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it