Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you