My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls