Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
