mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
