I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
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Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom