She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.