Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.