tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house