you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!