Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What a dumb baby whore.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.