a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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