Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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