I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
