Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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