They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry