Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.