i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER