Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.