I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.