I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
