You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
