you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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