Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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