oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
