i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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