I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
