Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
