I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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