I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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