this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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