1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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