I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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