he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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