yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
