please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.