Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
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Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*