the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it