I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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