party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
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guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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