im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
