he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
