a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
