You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
