Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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