so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
