Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
