i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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