In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.