Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.